The topic of today's blog is going to be underwear. Yes, you read that right. Underwear. We all know that one of the secrets to a Frenchwoman's beauty is worn under her fashionable clothes. Well....before we left for France I went shopping in Vancouver. I decided that I, too, wanted to look good in my clothes. So I bought myself a pair of Spanx. (For the uninitiated, Spanx are today's version of a girdle.) I chose the high-waisted kind. The kind that are like underwear but also go up and over your ribs. Wearing a pair promises that you will look like you have lost 10 pounds in 10 minutes. Well who doesn't want that? And besides, I wanted to have a waist again.
Yesterday was my birthday and Joe was taking me out for a special dinner to celebrate turning 51. I thought, "Perfect! Here is my chance to wear my Spanx and have a flat stomach!" First of all, getting into a pair is almost impossible. Joe was wondering what all the grunting and groaning in the bathroom was all about. I WAS STRUGGLING WITH MY SPANX, OKAY?
At first things went swimmingly. I felt so svelte on the metro. But by the time we got to the restaurant, my ribs felt as if they were being broken. I could barely breathe and I swear that by the end of the meal my liver was irreparably damaged. Honestly. A year of hard drinking would have done less harm to my organs than wearing a pair of Spanx.
Lesson learned...ditch the girdle! And let the flabulation breathe!
Give it another try. This is the way I felt the first time I struggled into a Spanx/girdle. But the second time around, it was much easier, and now I can wear Spanx all day long and not even notice. They really do work and they give me such a nice figure that I'm finally able to dress the way I've always wanted to without being self-conscious.
ReplyDeleteHow can you really enjoy the foie gras if you are all squished in? I woudl have taken them off in the bahtroom and had anohter course. Maybe that explains my need for weight watchers.
ReplyDeleteColleen
Ok, I just sort of figured out how to sign up to be a member of your blog- which I love by the way.
ReplyDeleteI have to give you credit! You got further than I did! I tried some Spanx-wanna-bes and didn't get them much passed my thighs - I swore my muscles were being torn from their usual resting place, never mind having the hip & thigh fat being squished into places I didn't even know I had. I gave up! Maybe it was the fact that this garment was a knock off, or I was misguided in choosing the size OR it's just plain in-humane! I am all for breathing flabulation!
ReplyDeletePsh, who needs the spanx? Let it all hang out! You're on vacation, after all.
ReplyDeleteloved this I agree..burn the girdle I am so glad you had a wonderful Birthday and as always wishing you a fantastic brilliant year ahead ..I think your new year is most definitely off to a great start...
ReplyDeleteNancy this was a riot. I killed my self laughing. Years ago we had something like that it was girdle made out of some kind of rubber. You rubbed baby oil all over yourself and then tried to slink in. When knitted suits were in style that was what you needed. I gave up on that too and let it all hang out. from Irene W.
ReplyDelete