School Story #3

"Mrs. Sotham".  Another portrait by a former student.

Children often give their teachers gifts at Christmas.  In my time I have received many sweet, heartfelt gifts.  Framed photos of my students, chocolates, candles, pennies.  Once I got a coupon for a turkey!

But there was one gift I was not prepared for.  I still think about it from time to time.

It was Christmas 1999.  A few of my students had brought gifts for me on the last day of school before the holidays.  They were so excited for me to open them.  I oohed and ahhhed over each and every present.

Hortense (not her real name) handed me her gift.  She had wrapped the small box herself.  She was beaming.  Absolutely beaming.  I went on and on about how pretty the paper was, how I could hardly wait to see what it was, I was making guesses as to the contents of the box.

I lifted the lid off the box and there, sitting nestled in some tissue paper, was a STICK OF DEODORANT!  

Really?

I looked up at the girl.  I thought, "Is this a joke?  Or is this a serious gift?  Do I have such bad body odour your mother felt compelled to buy me some anti-perspirant for Christmas?  And then thought it was a good idea to wrap it up and have you give it to me as a gift?  In public?"

I dryly said, "Thank you, Hortense.  Merry Christmas."

Later that day I polled my colleagues and asked them to tell me truthfully if I suffered from B.O. and wasn't aware of it.  Everyone assured me I did not stink.  I asked my family the same question.  I was given the same answer.

I have often wondered about the motivation behind that Christmas gift from long ago.

The moral of the story?  No matter what, never give deodorant as a gift.  Ever.  Ever.  Ever.  Ever.